In my world nothing is perfect. Yet, I live the life of a perfectionist.
My mind is in shambles, my emotions awry, my stability is lacking, and my income is a big fat pile of diddly-squat.
In school I turned in assignments early, I always got straight A’s, and I was a favorite amongst all of my teachers.
At work I was under constant praise, picking up extra shifts that no one else wanted, and taking the time to go above and beyond.
I excelled at everything I did- music, art, acting, dance, track, volleyball, academics.
I won Spelling Bees.
I had manners.
I was [am] drug-free, alcohol free, baby mama drama free, STD free, and I hold no criminal history or bad driving record.
And all of that, is downright exhausting.
I have had to be perfect my entire life, sacrificing true development as an individual for fake gold plaques and a few photos in the newspaper.
In adulthood this has messed with my relationships- always expecting perfection from partner’s leads to nothing but bickering.
And that is exactly where I am.
I have this habit of vocalizing how I feel. Not because I am trying to be cruel or torture someone with the disappointment I feel towards them, but rather because in past relationships I chose to stay quiet and I became a weak human because of it.
The problem I have is when I try to explain why my boyfriend’s drastic allergy to affection is haunting my thoughts, it comes out as more of a collection of things he sucks at.
And I am sure always being reminded of your mistakes and flaws will make the most simple man bitter.
I have decided to approach this new-found intelligence with one burning question.
How will this benefit my life?
Meaning before I remind him rudely that he hasn’t kissed me in 18 hours, I must first ask myself that question.
How will this benefit my life? It won’t. It will sound more like an attack of character. Why must I always stir up trouble?
Rather- I need to take a step back and calmly explain that I need more from him.
And before I spend 4 hours planning perfectly symmetrical rows of vegetables in my garden, ask How will this benefit my life? It won’t I will have wasted four hours of my life on something that won’t affect my vegetable production.
I constantly pressured myself into being the best at everything I did, and during those moments I forgot to just enjoy it.
I suffer from:
- The constant need to be right.
- The constant need to be accepted.
- The constant need to point out anything imperfect.
- The constant need to be the best at everything.
- The constant need to be perfect.
My newest battle is to recover from perfectionism. To accept my flaws, the things I cannot control. and to let go of all that worries me.
Perfection is an impossibility.
- Father Perfectionist vs. Father Optimalist (twanettefourie.wordpress.com)
- OCD and Perfectionism (ocdtalk.wordpress.com)
- “We’ve been trained to prefer being right…” (lisamunro.wordpress.com)
- Perfectionism at its finest. (emmykay92.wordpress.com)
- Giving up perfectionism (lofftnz.wordpress.com)
- Perils of Perfectionism (natscorner31.wordpress.com)